I’ll Have Seconds, Please

So, not even twenty-four hours and I’m already back to writing on this thing (don’t worry, I’ll probably burn out on my enthusiasm soon enough and forget I even have a blog).
I normally would be writing in my novel right now (oh yeah, I’m writing a novel by the way, SURPRISE!) but I’ve hit a bit of a snag. Writer’s block that is. I just can’t get into my character’s heads tonight. And with a novel of this nature, that really screws me over.

So, if you are still reading this I can only assume you actually want to hear about my novel. Well lucky you, because I love talking about it! Actually, whenever someone asks what it’s about, I just tell them I’ll give them the first few pages instead of trying to summarize. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in twenty years on this planet, it’s that I am terrible at expressing myself verbally. Fortunately, there isn’t verbal communication on this blog (unless I can add audio files… I should look into that), so instead of emailing out my first few pages to every internet passers-by that somehow navigates their way here, I’ll just try to explain:

A while back, I was watching Memoirs of a Geisha (By the way, that’s an amazing movie). Now, I thought for the longest time that geishas were basically just Japanese hookers; and boy was I wrong. Giving this a really rough go from the perspective I could gather, I discovered they were a sort of hostess, an entertainer, and almost a pseudo-wife to their often infatuated clients. Sure they’d casually flirt with them, but they would keep a refined air at all times, showing their skills in conversation and various instruments and the like. However, the apprentice geishas would have to undergo a ceremony called Mizuage (yes, I had to look that up, it’s been a while since I’ve seen the movie) where a man paid to deflower her. This would be her coming of age, and from that point on she would no longer be an apprentice, but a fully-fledged geisha. And THAT got me thinking.
I mean, it’s not just in this trade that such things carry weight. We especially as a culture today place a lot of emphasis on our “first time”, and on our virginity, though especially that of a female. That train of thought led into how over-sexualized our culture is these days, how idolized women often are, and how so much value is placed both in being one of those “unspoilt virgins” and being sexually active. So an idea came to me. I thought, “what if there was a simple, obvious outward way to tell who was a virgin and who was not? How would that affect our society and the way we perceive things?”.
Operating on that basis, I proceeded to create the world of my novel. Every girl there is born with eyes that literally emit a glow. This glow fades when they lose their virginity. You see the insanity of that? You can walk down the street and just point out who is untouched and who is not. Your perceptions of people would (whether you think so or not) probably be a lot different if something that was normally private like this was instantly recognizable.
And let me clarify, our world basically runs on sex. I don’t just mean the reproductive aspect, but the drive. Attraction is everywhere. You take a walk down the street on a busy day and chances are you’ll at least see one or two people you find moderately attractive. Many people just live through their day with the hope of getting laid in the evening hours (alright, alright, I MIGHT be assuming that a bit. But I’m sure there’s at least a few like that around, wouldn’t you agree?). So in my fictitious world, families are competing for power; the social ladder, as it were. Arranged marriages are common to achieve this end, and a marriage won’t happen unless the bride has her virginity intact. And guess what? There’s no hiding it if she’s not. Those dark eyes tell the whole story. I hope you’re getting the picture by now. Oh yeah, and you might be wondering why I only made the girls have glowing eyes; and I say that because I’ve been asked that several times now. The answer is not very simple, but it’s a very sexist world. I mean, allegorically speaking, I’m addressing how women are idolized to such a ridiculous extent. Don’t worry; if it’s confusing to you, just imagine how confusing it is for me to try to sort out all my thoughts on the subject!
There are two main characters; Emily, and Jason. Their specific journeys I will leave to the book to tell, but they are both teenagers who have to navigate through this sort of world, and obviously, it isn’t easy.

You know what? Trying to write down really bizarre thought processes is difficult, and even now that I’ve just done it I’m not really satisfied that my point has really gotten across. I hope you understood at least some of my massive wall of text. If you are still interested in reading the book, well, you can contact me and I might just send you what I’ve got! Hopefully one day I can get this thing published.

And with that… oh crap, I promised I’d throw in more jokes this time! Yeah… humor is hard when I spend so much time just reflecting on stuff. You know, whenever I order a pizza online, they always have a space where you can type out instructions for the delivery guy, like “ring the doorbell” or something along those lines. I always put in “tell a clown joke” just to see if they will. Once when I was over at a friends place apparently the guy actually DID tell a joke, but I wasn’t at the door to hear it (just my luck). That was once in like twenty times. Just goes to show, even pizza delivery guys have a tough time coming up with jokes. And if they can’t do it well, how the hell can I be expected to?!?

Well, it’s three-o-clock in the morning, and still no progress on the novel for tonight. I should just get some sleep.

Less-than-eloquently yours,
Brendon “Starving Author” Regier


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About Brendon

I am a global terrorism warlord, meth kingpin, and hacker extraordinaire who has a moon base, at least fifteen wives, countless armies at my disposal, and a discover card. Oh, I also frequently make things up when I'm bored.

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  1. Why I’m Writing « Burn the Grapevine - July 3, 2012

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